Taking Flight
by Neonna
Summary: "I turn on my heel and head directly for my place in the woods before I have a chance to see the hurt register across his face, before I change my mind, or before he remembers that I am a mutt."
1. Chapter 1

Prim patted the sand next to her, motioning for me to sit down. As I walk towards my sister I slowly take in the sight.

Prim sat there in the sand legs crisscrossed, quietly stroking Buttercup. Her blonde hair was longer than before and hung in beautiful curls cascading down her back. Her eyes were piercing and I was instantly drowning in the blue that encompassed her pupils. Her skin was pale but radiated beautifully in the sunlight.

My dead sister was more beautiful than ever.

"Katniss, it's not over yet." she said quietly, still stroking Buttercup.

"I don't understand Prim." I replied just above a whisper. Hearing my sister's voice caused my chest to tighten.

"You are still the mocking jay and there are still more lives to be saved. Katniss, they all need you."

"But I-"

"Katniss you can't abandon them now!" Her tone was a little harsh and now my feelings were hurt.

"I never wanted any of this Prim! All I ever wanted was to keep you alive! I just want things to be the way they were! I want you to be lying next to me when I wake up and I-I-"

I was choking on my words and as I gasped for air between sobs the tears seemed endless.

Prim released Buttercup and let him wonder off towards the east end of the beach. I rested my head in her lap, taking Buttercups' place. She gently stroked my hair. The last thing I wanted was an argument with my little sister on the day of our reunion. She still wants me to be the face of the rebellion but the rebellion has done nothing except cause me to loose everyone close to me. Including her.

"Prim why is it so important to you that I continue on as the mocking jay? Can't you see what it's done to me? To you? You're dead because of me!"

I'm crying harder now and the tears are beginning to sting.

"Katniss you have always underestimated your power. You can save me."

I looked up at my sister, my eyes widened and my heart racing at the chance of being able to bring my sister back to life.

"Save you? I can save you? Prim, tell me how! Whatever it takes I'll do it! I swear!"

Prim sat there quietly looking out into the sea, leaving silence to be the only answer to my question.

I grow impatient.

"Prim!"

"Katniss doesn't this place look familiar?"

I sigh as my question is left hanging in midair. For the first time I take my eyes off of Prim and examine the beach. My stomach drops to my knees as I listen to the faint tick tock, tick tock of the arena.

"Prim what are we doing here?"

"This is how you can save me. Everything you need to know is right in front of you. "

Prim stands and begins walking towards the east of the beach where Buttercup has found something that seems to keep his paws entertained.

"Prim wait! So that's it? I don't understand!"

I'm chasing her now and it is impossible to catch up although she is walking at such a slow pace.

"Prim please don't go! I can't lose you again!"

I'm running with all of my might now and I'm able to extend my arm and touch her shoulder from behind. When my hand connects with her glowing body something amazing happens.

Prim has suddenly transformed into a beautiful white dove.

I'm waiting for her to take flight but she hasn't move. That's when I notice her right wing has been completely singed off. I scoop her up in my hands and wait for her to speak. Her eyes still belonged to her and again I am drowning.

"Oh Prim" I whisper as I stroke the empty space where her right wing should be.

Buttercup approaches the two of us and I hiss at him for old times' sake. He ignores me and plants his paws firmly into the sand. Prim jumps from my hands and lands onto Buttercups' back.

"It starts here Katniss" she says. And with that her and Buttercup take off and Prim disappears with him.

I'm left sitting on my knees crying furiously for Prim to come back. I ball up into the fetal position and rock myself back and forth, my body aching with sobs. The tide is coming in now and I let the waves wash over my body hoping they would take me out to sea with them.

I scream as the cold water hits my face with manipulated force.

"Rise and shine sweetheart!" Haymitch laughs as he exacts his revenge. I've used this method on him several times before.

"Haymitch! You old fool! What are you doing here?" I yell leaping from under my soaking wet covers.

"The boy just arrived in district 12. Time to move."

My dream had taken me so far from reality it took me a moment to realize who Haymitch was referring to.

Peeta was coming home today.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys Thanks so much for adding me to your alerts or subscribing to my stories, etc. This is my first attempt at writing a FanFic so I would definitely appreciate any feedback. Plz review! Here is chapt 2 of Taking Flight.**

"Haymitch I'm not going. Peeta doesn't want to see me and I'm not sure if I'm ready to see him yet." I was toweling myself off while Haymitch pulled up a seat next to my bed. He'd just finish pouring a cold bucket of water on top of me to jolt me out of my sleep and I was in no mood for anymore of his shenanigans.

"He wants to see you. He specifically asked for you to be there when he arrives. Your face is the first thing the boy wants to see!" Haymitch said as he took another sip of whiskey from his flask. He smirked and waited for me to reply.

"Liar." I reply throwing a pillow at his head.

"So what! He didn't say it but I know it's what he wants and you want to see him too. It's been three months already. He may not have _all_ his marbles but he's got the majority of em back."

I groan because I know he's right. It's been three months since I've seen Peeta and although I've missed him a great deal I can't bear the thought of him lashing out at me again. Not only physically, but mentally too. Peeta still hates me.

"Well If I go you have to promise to sit between the two of us."

"Katniss your being ridiculous. Hurry up and get dressed. Let's not keep the boy waiting any longer than he has to be."

I sigh as Haymitch leaves worried about Peeta's reaction to seeing me for the first time in months. Was he better? Would he remember the real me or is his brain still plagued with false memories the capitol tormented him with from the hijacking? My cheeks turn a bright red as I daydream of a warm embrace from Peeta when we reunite for the first time. I imagine him pulling me in so close that not even a thin sheet of paper could slide between the two of us.

And then I imagine him kissing me. His lips pressed hard against mine, passion burning within the two of us. What I wouldn't give to have the old Peeta kiss me again.

I head downstairs where Haymitch is waiting for me on the couch.

"How do I look?" I asked. I attempted to fancy myself up a bit for Peeta. I knew it was pointless but I found one of my mothers' skirts and I paired it with a fancy red blouse I hadn't worn in ages. I brushed my hair back into a French braid that swung back and forth just below my shoulders. Haymitch took another swig before answering.

"You look swell. Can we leave now?"

Haymitch was growing anxious and I could tell that he was ready to see Peeta. He always favored him more which never bothered me.

Until now.

Haymitch had spent the past three months in district 12 with me and he never spent any time with me unless it had something to do with Peeta. I couldn't help but feel a slight sting of jealousy. Haymitch was the only family I had here in district 12 and all he really cared about was his precious Peeta.

"Yea. Let's go." I quickly brush past Haymitch and make my way outside. We sit in silence the whole way to the train station. I just stare out of the window, barely breathing as the car draws near. Haymitch hasn't taken as much as a sip of his whiskey since we left my house.

"You must be out", I say nodding my head towards the flask lying next to him on the seat.

"Oh. I sort of promised Peeta that I would take it easy on the drinking so that I could keep a better eye on you. Obviously that hasn't gone so well so let's just make that our little secret eh sweetheart?"

My heart skipped a beat at the mention of Peeta making Haymitch promise to keep an eye on me. He still cared! Suddenly I became angry with Haymitch for not telling me that Peeta mentioned me and for not keeping his promise.

"Why didn't you tell me that you've been speaking with Peeta?" I demanded. "Don't you think I have a right to know?" Tears were starting to fill my eyes and I couldn't quite figure out why.

"No."

"And why not?"

"Because anything that Peeta and I talk about stays between the two of us. And besides, you have his number don't you? Have you picked up the phone even once and checked on him?"

I sat there silently swallowing my guilt.

"I didn't think so."

I scolded myself for being so selfish yet again. I hated when Haymitch was right. I sighed as we pull into the train station.

There he was. Leaning against a post with one hand in his pocket and the other hand carrying a small basket, was Peeta. He looked absolutely gorgeous. The weight he gained helped to fill out his face again and his shoulders were broader than I remember. His blonde hair was slicked back and his dazzling blue eyes danced as Haymitch and I walked towards him.

"Hi." was all I managed to get out.

"Hi." Peeta said, a huge grin forming on his lips.

Haymitch grabbed Peeta up in a giant bear hug, surprising both Peeta and myself.

"Well look at you kiddo!" Haymitch said laughing.

Peeta laughed. "What can I say? That capitol has been good to me."

We're all laughing now, mostly at the thought of the capitol being good to anyone.

"Guess I'll help you take these over to the car." Haymitch said, picking up the two large suitcases sitting on the ground next to Peeta.

"Thanks."

As Haymitch carried Peetas' bags to the car we stood in silence for a moment until Peeta finally spoke.

"I baked these for you." Peeta said holding up the small basket. I peek inside and I'm pleasantly surprised with the contents. Peetas' cheese buns were always my favorite.

"Thank you Peeta!"

"No problem."

I waited for him to say more but when he didn't I knew it was my turn to break the silence.

"Peeta I know that things haven't been the same between us since the um…hijacking. I just want to apologize if I-I" I feel the lump form in my throat and before I can even register its presence tears are falling like streams from my eyes. Peeta grabs both of my hands and looks me in the eyes. His face is sullen now and I'm afraid of what he's going to say next.

"Katniss you and I have been through a lot together. I mean come on. I wouldn't even be alive if it weren't for you. Nothing is ever going to change that. I remember who you are. You're the girl on fire."

Peeta kisses my cheek. He was right about one thing. I am the girl on fire and I can feel the heat swelling in my lower abdomen. It's been so long since I felt Peetas' lips. It's a good thing Peeta is still holding both my hands because I can feel myself melting. I don't think I realized before now just how much I missed him, how much I _needed_ him. And before I could stop myself, the question flew from my lips before my limp hands could catch it in time.

"Peeta do you still love me?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Again thank you to all of you who have subscribed to my story and/or put me on alert. I'm gonna try to update every other day and I as you can see I 'm a big fan of cliff hangers so keep reading. It gets juicy!**

I searched Peetas' face as he struggled to find the answer.

"Katniss I-I"

"Let's go!" Haymitch yelled at the two of us.

Suddenly I felt ill because the seriousness of what I just asked him hit me like a punch to the gut. How could I have asked him if he loved me on his first day back in district 12? I no longer wanted an answer. I just wish I could take back ever having asked him in the first place.

"Forget it Peeta. Let's go home."

I could tell he was still searching for an answer as we made our way towards the car.

Nothing came to him.

The whole way home Haymitch and Peeta made small talk and I sat in silence hoping that Peeta would forget about everything that just happened. "_Great. He's been home for less than ten minutes and I've already screwed things up."_

We dropped Peeta off at his house first, exchanged an awkward hug goodbye, and left him to his own devices. Haymitch followed me over to my house because he said he had something very important to speak with me about.

"I don't know what you two were talking about earlier but I just want to warn you. Peeta is better but don't get too attached to him just yet. He needs time to adjust to life here in district 12 again. We don't know what this environment will do to some of the memories in his mind. We don't want to set him off.

_Too late,_ I thought to myself. I've already asked him if he still loved me. I don't think it gets any closer than that.

"Okay Haymitch. I understand."

And with that Haymitch was gone and I made my way upstairs to sulk in my bedroom. I slowly undressed, distracted by thoughts of Peeta. I climb in the shower and let the water wash away the stench of selfishness I couldn't seem to rid myself of. After toweling off and getting dressed I remember the cheese buns that Peeta made for me. I make my way downstairs to find the basket sitting on the kitchen table.

I open the basket only to find it empty.

"I thought I'd put them in the oven for you. I remembered you like them warm."

I scream so loud I'm almost positive Gale could hear me all the way over in district 2.

"Peeta! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"I'm sorry. The door was cracked so I figured I'd just let myself in."

I sighed. "Thanks for putting the buns in the oven for me."

"You're welcome."

Peeta was staring at me now pretty intensely. I shifted my body weight, feeling really uncomfortable with this strange silence.

"You're still in love with Gale, real or not real?"

I remembered what Haymitch said about not getting too attached to Peeta so quickly. I wanted to scream of course not! "_I'm madly in love with you and I haven't thought about anything else except being in your arms for the past three months!" _I decided to play it safe and change the subject.

"You must be excited about being able to paint again. You were always such a brilliant artist."

"Gale. Real or not real Katniss."

"Peeta I don't think that now is the best time to-"

He scoffed. "It's just like you to ask me if I'm still in love with you and take off running without letting me explain."

His voice was full of distain.

"Peeta I only left because-"

"Because you're selfish!" Peeta yelled slamming his fists into the wooden table.

Haymitch warned me about this but I didn't think I would experience it so soon. This was not _my _Peeta. He had been replaced with the Peeta who was hijacked.

"Peeta please listen to me."

Smoke started to form like clouds from the oven. We had forgotten all about the buns.

I'm coughing now but Peeta stands there, arms folded across his chest waiting for me to finish.

"I'm listening." He says nefariously.

"The buns! There burning Peeta!" I yelled between gasps of air. I walk towards the stove but Peeta stands directly in front of it.

"Peeta please don't do this!"

The last thing I see before I black out are the flames that have enveloped my oven and Peetas' back as he walks away.


	4. Chapter 4

I wake up to find myself alone in my bedroom. My blanket has been tucked underneath me on both sides, the same way I used to tuck in Prim. I don't exactly know how I made it back to my bedroom, who tucked me in, or who put the fire out. All I remember is screaming for Peeta to come back to me and watching as he walked away. I'm crying now and because no one is around to see, I weep into my pillow until I'm unable to produce anymore tears. _Oh Peeta._ _I'd give anything to fix this._

After hours of trying to decide what I should say to Peeta, I decide to get out of bed and go check on him. I walk through the damp grass in my bare feet making my way across the street to his house. By the time I make it to his front door my feet are muddy from the journey but by now I'm completely oblivious. I knock on the door lightly at first. No answer. I knock harder this time and then I find myself screaming out his name.

"Peeta open the door now!" I demanded. "I know you're in there!"

Peeta reluctantly opens the door and I can tell he is startled by my appearance. I must look insane. My hair is matted into clumps all over, my robe is draped over my body fashioned like a cape, and my muddy feet have tracked clumps of soil onto his porch. Suddenly I am completely aware of myself and I slowly start to back away from the door.

"Katniss wait," Peeta says softly.

I stop dead in my tracks and I wait for him to continue. He drops his head and hugs himself tightly. A single tear rolls down his check and lands on the porch.

"Maybe I wasn't ready to come home yet." His voice is unsteady. "I mean, I left you to burn to your death. What I did was unforgiveable."

"Peeta it wasn't your fault. This is just going to take some getting used to is all. We'll just take it slowly from now on."

Peeta hasn't looked up at me since I started to speak. He's silently crying as I walk over to him with my arms opened up for an embrace.

"No!" Peeta shouts. "Don't come near me Katniss. I could hurt you"

Peeta is sobbing now and before I can contend with his protest he abruptly goes inside and slams the door.

I stand there staring at his front door. I wait for him to come back, thinking that he'll sense my presence still lingering at his door but he doesn't. I sigh dramatically and head back to the empty house where the nightmares reside across the street. I'm just docking my doorstep when a familiar voice calls out to me.

"Hey Katniss, hold on a second." Haymitch says eyeing me from head to toe. His reaction to my appearance is identical to Peetas'.

"Haymitch if this is about yesterday I don't want to talk about it."

"Well that's no way to talk to the man responsible for saving your life!" Haymitch retorts beaming with too much pride.

"You?" I ask taken aback. "But how?"

"Well I heard you two kids shouting from across the street. At first I thought it may have been some lover's quarrel but then I saw the smoke so I came running over."

"Oh." I wanted to ask him about Peeta but I couldn't conjure up the words. Haymitch must have read my mind.

"Peeta was leaving when I burst through the door. He looked like some sort of crazed maniac. I didn't even bother to stop and question him. I pulled you out of the kitchen and put the flames out myself."

He looked like he was expecting some kind of reward but all I had to give to him was my sincerest gratitude.

"Thank you Haymitch. I paused, "Really…thanks."

"Yea well you remember what I said about taking things slowly with Peeta."

"Yea I know."

"'I wouldn't want to see you get hurt." Haymitch says, avoiding eye contact.

I smirk as he awkwardly pats me on top of my head and then staggers back to his house.

Once inside I decide to shower. I turn the water to its hottest temperature until I can no longer stand the heat. I let the warm water run on top of my head through the matted strands and down the drain. I watch as the mud makes its way off my feet and travels down the drain forming a swirl-like pattern as the last few streams of mud disappear. The mud reminds me of hunting and the hunting reminds me of Gale. It still pains me to think about him. Gale is my best friend but when I lost Prim it put a serious strain on our relationship. He had a hand in building the contraption that sent fire raining down on my angel. He obviously had no idea that it would lead to her death but I would be lying if I said I didn't resent him for it. Still, I missed him a great deal and with Peeta in and out of reality and Haymitch locking himself away for days at a time, Gale would provide the comfort that I need right now. I stand in the shower just a little longer, consumed with thoughts of Gale and the future we could have had together. Sometimes I wonder if choosing Peeta was the right decision. Now that I'm ready to love him he continuously pushes me away, though I can't say I don't deserve it. I sigh as I step out of the shower. My body may be clean but the filth of wreckage still weighs heavily on my soul.

I search my drawers looking for something to cover my dripping wet body when I come across my old hunting garb. I pick up my jacket and hold it across my chest revealing the length of the arms, measuring them against my own. Still a perfect fit. I decide to hunt today. I miss the wilderness. Aside from Gale and Peeta the wilderness knows me better than anyone else. I'm actually anxious as I braid my hair into the trademark that became famous in the arena. I lace up my boots and as a final touch I swing my bow over my shoulder and I'm headed out the door. Across the street I spot Haymitch and Peeta deep in conversation but I don't bother to barge in. I'm much too eager to embrace my second home in the forest.

It is just as I remember it. Cool and quiet. The grass bends underneath my feet and the sun beams down unusually brighter as if it to say welcome back. I take my place on a rock big enough to sustain my body weight. I slowly examine my surroundings and listen intensely. I pull out my bow and rear the arrow back, one eye squinting with concentration and then I release. I'm terrified when I hear a familiar voice scream out in agonizing pain. I run towards the screams and I'm paralyzed when I'm confronted with the body rolling around in pain on the ground. I'm a perfect shot and my arrow has landed right in the middle of Gale's shoulder.


	5. Chapter 5

**I must admit, this chapter is rather short but I didn't want to push it past where I thought it should go. **

"Oh my God! Gale!" I screeched as I ran towards him. "What are you doing here? I'm so sorry! I have to go and get you help!"

Gale looked up at me and smiled. He had taken my arrow from in between the real victim's eyes and tucked it perfectly underneath his arm pit making it seem as if he had been shot. The blood from the rabbit added a nice touch.

"Damn you Gale! That is not funny!" I was fuming.

"Sorry catnip. I really thought you'd find it hilarious."

"Guess you don't know me that well." I retort with arms folded.

"Ouch." Gale said as he grabbed his heart pretending to be severely wounded.

"Gale I'm really confused. When did you get here and how'd you know where to find me?"

"Well I got here about an hour ago. I spent a little time speaking with Haymitch. After that I went over to your place and when you didn't come to the door I figured this is the only other place you would be."

I walked towards a log to sit down before speaking again.

"I haven't heard from you in three months. Guess the capitol has you pretty busy."

"It's not like that Katniss and besides, given the circumstances I didn't really think you would want to hear from me."

"Well you're wrong!" I replied with more anger than I intended. "I'm sorry. It's just that things have been so weird around here. I thought that with Peeta coming home I'd be a little less lonely but I feel like I've been lonelier than ever."

My words had brought me to tears and Gale pulled me in for hug that I never wanted to end.

We sat in silence for a long time, arms wrapped around one another. Although my feelings for Gale were still foggy, Gale still reminded me of something that I wasn't ready to let go of yet. The past. The way things _used_ to be.

"So what brought you here?" I finally said.

"Peeta."

"Peeta?"

Gale sighed. "Yes, Peeta. He and Haymitch have been in communication with me for about a week. They think it best that Peeta goes back to the capitol for a little while. Apparently he isn't doing so well."

I'm standing on my feet now, fists clinched. "How could they make this decision without telling me!"

"Because they knew you would react like this!"

"Well their right! Peeta just got here! So what, because he has one episode he's just going to give up and leave? How could he leave me again?" I was sobbing now and I could tell that my words stung Gale a little but I didn't care.

"Katniss Peeta needs help." Gale explained calmly.

"You just want him as far away from me as possible. You are still jealous!" I yelled.

Now Gale was angry.

"So what if I'm _still_ jealous Kat! I loved you first! I loved you more! And now you're screaming at me because that damn _bread maker_ wants to go and get help so that he can come back and be with you?" He scoffed before continuing, "He tried to burn you to death for god sakes!"

I stood there crying silently for a little while.

"You two are perfect for each other." I said angrily between tears. "I don't hear from you for three months and out of the blue you show up here to take the one thing that I need to live, and he freely gives himself over to you."

"You've got some nerve Katniss Everdeen!" He yelled more loudly than I've ever heard him yell before. I took a step back, a little frightened. He grabbed me by one arm and whispered harshly in my ear "You are so selfish." And with that he stormed off into the trees leaving behind a trail of anger that was almost tangible.

I sat back down on the log and cried furiously. Maybe Gale was right. Maybe I am selfish but I didn't need to hear that coming from him. Doesn't he realize that he killed my sister? And now he is taking Peeta away from me too? Gale and I's relationship would never be the same again and this confrontation confirmed it. I cried until I fell asleep right on top of that log. I cried for the friendship that would never be restored. I cried because Peeta was leaving. I cried because I was alone. Alone.


	6. Chapter 6

I awaken to find the crisp, cool air of the warm afternoon has been replaced with the thick and heavy moisture of the evening. I raise my arms high above my head and stretch them as I yawn. It's been so long since I've enjoyed the woods at night that I'm tempted into staying. I stand and give my legs an individual shake and throw my bow over my shoulder. I'm making my way towards the fence when I suddenly remember, _Gale. _Beads of sweat slowly inch their way down my neck as I remember the terrible things I said to him during our fight. My legs buckle when I realize I may not make it back in time to catch him before he leaves with Peeta. I stand, suddenly feeling drained of all energy, but I force myself to run even faster. I make it into the Victor's Village and spot Gale, Haymitch, and Peeta all waiting outside my door. Seeing them standing there together, a seemingly united front, causes anger to once again swell up inside of me and the apology I mustered up for Gale seems so far away.

I approach them tentatively, trying to remain calm as I catch my breath. Surprisingly Peeta is the first to speak.

"Glad you're back." He says taking a step towards me. "We were starting to get worried."

I stand there expressionless.

"Oh come on Katniss! Kill the drama. There is obviously a conversation that needs to be had so let's all just go on inside." Haymitch said.

I clinch my fists enraged that he is inviting me inside of my own house. Still, I make no attempt at going inside and this only angers Gale.

"Katniss say something!" Gale shouts.

I abruptly snatch my head over in his direction.

"Like what Gale?" I snap.

Gale sighs before addressing Peeta and Haymitch. "If you two don't mind I'd like a moment alone with Katniss."

Haymitch throw his hands up in surrender. Peeta lingers a bit before agreeing and reluctantly follows Haymitch inside.

"I have nothing to say to you Gale." I start.

"Good because for now I just need you to listen."

I roll my eyes and allow him to continue.

"Katniss I don't want to leave this district with things the way they are between us. I can see it in the way you look at me. You'll never be able to forgive me for what happened to Prim. Hell, I'll never be able to forgive myself."

The wind blew, sending leaves of every color swirling into the air and I hugged myself tightly, turning my back to Gale as he continued.

"I didn't come here to take Peeta away from you."

"I know." I whisper.

"I just thought that if I played a role in helping Peeta you'd see that I'm not some monster. I love you. I just want you to be happy. Even if it's not with me."

I turn to look Gale directly in his eyes. I can see the longing in them and the fear that he may have gone too far. What I do next surprises both of us. I pull Gale into a kiss that he melts into. I can tell he has wanted this from the moment he returned to district 12. He pulls me in even closer and he places his trembling hands around my waist.

I break away from Gale and he leans his forehead down to meet mine.

"I don't hate you." I breathe out.

"Good." He says grinning.

"I'm not sure if I'll ever love you the way you need me to." I say holding both of his hands and looking him in the eyes. He's silent for a moment and pain registers in his eyes before he speaks again.

"Then just promise me one thing."

"Yes?" I questioned.

"You'll never stop trying."

"Promise." And I meant it. I wanted to love Gale the way I used to but I just needed more time. Peeta stepped back onto the porch and I quickly dropped Gale's hands hoping Peeta didn't notice.

"I hope I'm not interrupting." Peeta said as he scratched the back of his head.

"Actually I was just finishing up Peeta." Gale replied.

Gale kisses me on my cheek before heading inside. I pretend not to be embarrassed as he walks past Peeta.

"I know you're probably upset with me too." Peeta said.

I looked down at my boots as Peeta stared right through me.

"I wanted to tell you I was leaving but I couldn't muster up the courage to speak to you after that whole _fire_ incident."

"I told you it was fine. I never blamed you for what happened."

"Yes, but the fact is it _did _happen. It could have been so much worse Katniss."

I didn't know what to say. A part of me knew Peeta was right but there was an even larger part of me that just wanted him to stay.

"Peeta don't leave." was all that managed to escape my lips. His eyes had a way of playing tricks on my tongue, rendering me speechless.

"Katniss you asked me before if I still loved you. Well the answer is yes, but not the way I used to. I love you the way someone loves something that used to be and no longer is."

"A memory."

"Yes."

I turn away so that Peeta can't see my eyes as they fill with tears that I frantically try to blink away. Is that what I've become? A memory?

"But that's not enough for me." Peeta continues.

"It's not?" I ask.

"No! Didn't you see what that kiss on the cheek from Gale did to me? Drove me crazy."

"Oh." I subliminally touch the spot that Gale kissed. I wanted to say more but I didn't have the words.

Peeta sighed. "Don't be mad at Gale. Haymitch asked him to come here for my sake."

"When are you leaving?" I asked.

"Tonight."

There is silence for a few moments. Suddenly I run into Peeta's arms. He stiffens up at first, afraid of what he may do. Finally he relaxes his muscles and allows himself to hug me back for the first time since he has been back in district 12.

"Katniss will you promise me something?" Peeta asks.

I think of Gale and the promise that I made to him and hope Peeta won't ask me to do the same.

"Yes Peeta?"

"Live." He said firmly, tightening his grip around my waist.

"Promise." I answer half-heartedly.


	7. Chapter 7

It's been two months since Peeta left for the capitol and in all that time I haven't spoken a word. Something inside of me left with him. I watched as he and Gale loaded into the hovercraft and waved me goodbye. I knew in that moment I would never be the same again. The two people who meant the world to me were gone and there was no telling when I'd ever see them again. Gale had to get back to work in district two and Peeta; Peeta needed more help than time had to spare.

I broke down that night and there was nothing Haymitch could do to bring me out of it. He tried for days to get me to eat, shower, and speak but his efforts were futile. He finally decided that this was a job too big for him to handle. He sought out Greasy Sae outside the Victor's Village and pleaded with her to take his place as my caretaker.

"Haymitch the poor girl just ain't well. She needs more than just some _caretaker._ She needs _real_ help."

"Well what do you suppose I should do? Have her institutionalized?"

"Good grief! No!" she gasped, her hand clutching her heart.

"Listen," Haymitch started, "I know you don't know me that well and you probably think I'm just some delusional drunk but I-''

"You what? You honestly expect me to believe you care about this child? You don't even know her."

"Now ma'am you're coming dangerously close to working on my last nerve. I wouldn't be asking you to care for her if I didn't care myself. The truth is, I'm just not equipped to deal with something like this. She needs a mother's touch I suppose. She won't even look at me."

Greasy Sae thought a moment while Haymitch grew more impatient.

"What is it money you want? Fine take it! I have plenty to spare!" He growled.

"Keep your money fool! There is just one thing I need you to agree to before I step in."

"And what's that?" Haymitch asked, with one eyebrow raised.

"You join Katniss and me for dinner _every _single night. You got that?" Greasy say pointed a finger in his face.

Haymitch slapped his forehead with his palm and sighed, desperate to end this conversation.

"Fine." He mumbled.

A little while later Greasy Sae paid a visit to my home. It was her first time inside of the Victor's Village and she admired the beautiful trim of my wooden door post as she knocked.

No answer.

She slowly turned the knob and invited herself in. The first thing she noticed was the uncomfortable, frigid air that blew through my home as if it hadn't been occupied in ages.

"Katniss?" She called out. "It's Greasy Sae! Where are you honey?"

I was hidden in a little nook covered up by the fireplace. This was my usual spot. I'd sit there day in and day out staring out of the window, watching and waiting. From where I was sitting I had a perfectly good view of my living room and I was starting to feel sorry for Greasy Sae as she timidly searched around for me. My voice was currently out of commision so instead I cleared my throat.

"Oh! You scared me!" she jumped.

I wanted to apologize but then something escaped from my throat instead of words. I tasted the bile before it came up. It tasted of hunger, exhaustion, and depression. I leaned my head against the fire place and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I couldn't go on like this.

Greasy Sae clutched her heart and shook her head in pity.

"There, there," She said kneeling beside me and helping me to my feet. "Let's get you all cleaned up."

As we headed up the stairs towards the bathroom she rubbed my back and sighed. "Girl on fire," She mumbled to herself. "Looks like something has put out your flames for good."

I wanted to argue with her, reminding her that I was and still am _Katniss Everdeen._ How dare she question this? But then again I don't blame her for feeling the way she does. Limp, fragile, helpless, and hopeless was all I could pass for now. No one would ever believe that I was once the mocking jay.

I let her scrub my body from head to toe and wash all of the filth from my hair. I needed this and a part of me enjoyed it. Still, I wasn't able to mumble so much as one _thank you_.

"Don't that feel good sweetie? Nice and clean aren't we?" Greasy Sae smiled at me the way my mother would after she has finished braiding my hair and admiring her work.

She rummaged through my closet until she found something suitable for me to wear to dinner.

"Put this on." She said, laying a dress out for me on my bed. "I'm going downstairs to start dinner. I want you to look nice. We're having company."

By company I knew she meant Haymitch and I didn't see why I had to get dressed up for him. A little while later I came downstairs to find Haymitch slouched down in a chair at the table and Greasy Sae stirring something on top of the stove.

"Sit up straight!" she hit Haymitch on the back of his head with her wooden spoon and Haymitch cursed her underneath his breath. I smirked to myself as I slid into position in the chair opposite Haymitch. I couldn't look him in the eyes for some reason. I guess I was embarrassed. Haymitch tried his best to pull me out of my depression months ago but I wouldn't give him the time of day. I felt bad about it but when I opened my mouth the silence that escaped filled the air around us both. He finally took the hint and gave up.

"Katniss I made your favorite." She said as she spooned lamb stew into the bowl in front of me.

I stared at it for a long while. My mind instantly took me back to the night on the train when Peeta and I were having dinner with Effie, Haymitch, and Cinna. I was actually enjoying myself and the stew when I caught Peeta staring at me from across the table. "What?" I asked him.

"You have a little lamb on your lip." He smiled.

I took my napkin and dabbed at all the wrong spots, embarrassed.

"Here, let me." He took his napkin and wiped the drops of stew from my chin. He winked at me and continued eating.

I felt Greasy Sae's napkin brush against my face and I flinched as she brought me back to reality. I hadn't touched any of the stew so I didn't understand why Greasy Sae was wiping my chin.

"Your drooling sweetheart." Haymitch rolled his eyes in disgust.

Greasy Sae shot Haymitch a disapproving look. I hadn't realized that my mouth was open the whole time I was thinking of Peeta.

"Let me," she said, taking my spoon and lifting it to my mouth. I parted my mouth slightly, feeling completely sorry for myself.

Haymitch watched as Greasy Sae fed me spoonful after spoonful of the stew. He couldn't take it anymore so he finally spoke.

"Katniss how long are you going to be in this funk?" Haymitch demanded.

I stared at him blankly.

"That's enough." Greasy Sae answered, a warning in her tone.

"This is not the Katniss I know! No, no, no. You've got to snap out of it sweetheart. Is this what you want Peeta to come home to?" Haymitch prodded.

"That's enough!" Greasy say shouted.

I pound both my fists on the table and suddenly jump to my feet sending my chair flying backwards. Haymitch has infuriated me beyond repair and what's worse is that I still can't find the words to annihilate him with.

"Katniss please calm down." Greasy Sae quietly begs.

"No Greasy Sae! She's only upset because she knows I'm right! Peeta told me about that little promise you made to him before he left. But look at you! You broke your promise!" Haymitch shouts.

"Enough!" I yell, picking my bowl up and throwing it at his head. He dodges it in the nick of time.

Haymitch fixes his tie and gains his composure.

"Welcome back," He snorts.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been two weeks since my last dinner with Haymitch. Greasy Sae hadn't allowed Haymitch to come back since he started that fight with me. I was grateful for that. I could tell he was just trying to provoke me in order to get a rise out of me and it worked but not for long. I was still too depressed to speak. Too many pieces of me were missing and I didn't have the resolve to put myself back together.

Greasy Sae settled me into a routine. Every morning she would come over and cook breakfast. She would force me out of bed, bathe me, brush my hair, and bring me downstairs to eat. I gave her a hard time at first. I didn't really want to be bothered but she was relentless. She would leave me alone for lunch but she would show up every evening around the same time for dinner. Dinner was the worst part of it all. She would make small talk as she fed me spoonfuls of whatever it is she made for dinner. I would nod occasionally, smile at the right moments, or simply stare back at her hoping she would just read my mind.

"What was it like Katniss?" She asked me one evening while we were having dinner. I curiously raised my eyebrows and waited for another spoonful of soup.

"I'm sorry. It's just that we all watched you on that television for so long, right in the heat of it all. I'd imagine something like leading a rebellion could really _change_ a person."

She had no idea how right she was. I mean, look at me. Here she is feeding the mocking jay, bathing the mocking jay, and practically keep the mocking jay sane. I wanted to explain to her that I'm not too far gone. I'm just lost somewhere in the darkest part of my mind and I've been trying to fight my way out.

"Poor thing." She sighed. I was getting a little tired of her feeling sorry for me. I was actually getting tired of feeling sorry for myself. I suddenly snatched the spoon from her hand and she jumped a little. It wasn't my intent to scare her but I needed to do this.

"Well, well, well," she grinned as I finished feeding myself. I smiled at her and squeezed her hands.

"Thank you." I managed to push out.

She kissed my cheek before saying "You're welcome."

The next morning I was determined to prove myself. I showered and changed all before Greasy Sae made it over to cook me breakfast. When she walked in I was already waiting for her at the kitchen table.

"Katniss!" she shouted enthusiastically.

I walked over and greeted her with a warm hug. As she pulled several ingredients from my refrigerator I decided to make an announcement.

"I'm going hunting." I say trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Let's not get too ahead of ourselves now Katniss," she said throwing away an egg shell.

"I'm going." I sternly demanded.

"I'm glad that you've found this new sense of determination but I don't feel right about letting you wander off into those woods by yourself in this _condition._ You're not ready."

"Please." My voice begins to quiver as I plead with her. "I need to do this."

Her eyes fill with pity though they are still unsure. She wipes her forehead with her arm as she makes her final decision.

"Alright," she sighs. But I want you back here before dinner. We're having company."

I roll my eyes at the mention of company but I agree. I guess she finally decided to let Haymitch off the hook and join us for dinner again, though I don't see why he would even want to after I threw that bowl at his head.

After breakfast Greasy Sae returned to her home and I bolted upstairs to change into my hunting gear. I couldn't wait to escape to the forest. The feeling that I was drowning would disappear and the fresh air would awaken each one of my senses. I don't know why I hadn't thought of this before.

I carefully climb underneath the fence that hasn't hummed in ages. I sprint towards the middle of the forest. The wind whips through my hair sending it flying backwards. The sun beams down on me as I smile the most genuine smile I have in months.

I find the perfect spot and listen carefully for potential prey. I really wanted to shoot a deer and bring it back to Greasy Sae as a way of saying thanks for everything she had done. _Ah!_ I spot one, a baby, just a few yards ahead of me. I slowly inch towards it with my bow and arrow aimed, one eye squinted with concentration. My breathing is steady and with the precision and ease that kept me alive during my games, I release my arrow landing it right in between the deer's eyes.

I'm heading home as the sun is setting and I'm pretty pleased with myself. My first day back in the forest and I've already taken down a deer. I felt like I was slowly coming back to life again. I thought about what Peeta made me promise him before he left. I promised him that I would live and to be honest I hadn't been keeping that promise. I hope Haymitch didn't tell him how bad off I had become. I know that he and Peeta still communicate from time to time. The last thing I wanted was Peeta feeling sorry for me or blaming himself for my plight.

When I arrive into the Victor's Village I'm dragging the baby deer along behind me. I've almost reached my doorstep when a familiar smell arrests my nostrils and brings me to my knees. I drop the baby deer and cover my mouth and nose simultaneously, refusing to release the vomit creeping up my throat. I couldn't figure out what the stench was or where it was coming from. It was sweet though it was still very unpleasant. It reminded me of something I desperately wanted hard to forget; something that caused me to scream out every night in my sleep. Prim. I circled around to the side of my house, still covering my mouth and nose. What I found was a beautiful blonde boy planting roses along the length of my yard. He looked up at me as he dusted his pants off and stood to his feet. His blues eyes seemed to call out to me and I slowly walk towards him.

"I thought we could plant these for her," He said quietly as I inched closer and closer towards him. I looked down at the flowers and my heart felt like it was about to beat right out of my chest. _Primroses. _

"Peeta?" I asked in shock.

He caught me just in time as I collapsed in his arms.


	9. Chapter 9

When I finally come to I'm lying in my bed and Greasy Sae is looking down on me. She looks rather worried which further confuses me. She strokes my face and then laughs.

"Looks like you scared away our company!" she says as she stands. "Peeta went on home. He thinks it may not be such a good idea for him to stay for dinner tonight and I think he may be right."

I roll over on my side as Greasy Sae leaves the room. My mind is reeling with unanswered questions and my belly is swollen with feelings I have yet to acknowledge. Why didn't she tell me it was _Peeta_ who would be joining us for dinner tonight? How did she know he would be here? Haymitch probably told her and she probably wanted to surprise me. Well it worked. Not only was I surprised but I was in such shock that I fainted. I pounded my pillow with my fist. I was so..._angry!_ They should have told me he was coming! I was so sick of being treated like a child. I'm the one who is responsible for saving our entire district from being suffocated under the ruling of yet another dictating authority. I deserve better than this! I jump out of bed ready to go downstairs and give Greasy Sae a piece of my mind when I remember Gale's words ringing harshly in my ear. '_You are so selfish'_ he said to me in the forest upon his return for Peeta. I sat back down on the edge of my bed as tears spilled from my eyes. Gale was right. I am selfish. Haymitch and Greasy Sae were just trying to take care of me just like they _both_ have been doing this whole time. The truth is, seeing Peeta paralyzed something on the inside of me. I had been frozen in time since he left and now that he has returned I am reminded that life goes on. But what if I don't want to go on?

Greasy Sae returns upstairs to check on me and I reject her offer to join her downstairs for dinner. She brings me a bowl of soup and I let it sit on my nightstand until its cold. When night falls I'm tossing and turning in bed unable to sleep. I had too much on my mind and I was in no condition to let the nightmares have me tonight. A little while later I hear terrible, gut twisting screams coming from across the street. I jump out of bed and run to my window. It's Peeta! But something stops me from running to his aid. It's the familiarity of the scream. I recognize it from my own. It's the exact same scream that nothing can save you from because it will be sure to return again the next night and the night after that. I allow the screams to torment me because I feel I deserve it. Hearing him cry out this way reminds me why I don't deserve him. He's probably dreaming about me killing his family or how I pretended to love him during the games. I decided right then that I would stay away from Peeta. Instead I listened to him scream for the rest of the night and somehow sleep found me and carried me away right underneath my window.

Three days later I decide to hunt again. I'm leaving the Victor's Village as Peeta is returning. My breath catches in my chest but I pretend to remain calm.

"Hello Katniss," Peeta says politely.

I look down at the ground as I wave back to him. I won't allow his eyes to make me their prey.

"You're going hunting aren't you?" he asks.

I nod my head yes, still unable to make eye contact.

"Can I join you?"

I look up at him to decide if this was a serious question. I'm a little startled by the deep bags underneath his eyes and the way his upper lip twitches at the end. I can tell he hasn't slept at all. I know the feeling all too well and suddenly I'm racked with guilt. I should have gone to him the night I heard the screams. I should have held him the way he held me during the games. I can't face Peeta without feeling overwhelmingly _selfish._ It is then that I decide he can't come with me.

"I'm sorry Peeta. You can't," I whisper. I turn on my heel and head directly for my place in the woods before I have a chance to see the hurt register across his face, before I change my mind, or before he remembers that I am a _mutt._


	10. Chapter 10

The walk to the forest seemed to last an eternity and all I could do was think about Peeta. Why on earth would he suddenly want to follow me out here? He's never asked to come before. Should I have told him no? Yes. My decision was better for both of us. I was not ready to be alone with Peeta and I don't think he needed to be alone with me. My plan was to stay away from him and that's exactly what I was going to do.

I made it to my usual place in the forest but once I was there the urge to hunt simply disappeared. Instead I decided to venture to the small lake my father used to bring me to as a child. I dropped to one knee and played with a leaf that floated just above the surface of the water. The water felt so warm between my fingers and I couldn't resist the urge to take my shoes off and dip my feet in. Just as I suspected, the warm water felt just as good between my toes as it did between my fingers. I closed my eyes and allowed the sun and the water to work together to lull me into the most peaceful sleep I've had in months.

This time my nap was not interrupted with nightmares of Prim burning to death or of Finnick being attacked by _mutts _but by the sound of heavy footsteps followed by the sound of several bushes being cleared. Something was headed right for me. I pulled my feet out of the water and jumped up as fast as I could. I picked up my bow but the sound was advancing closer by the second. Fear paralyzed my fingers causing me to drop it. I scrambled on the ground for a few minutes and just as I picked up my bow and stood to my feet the blonde monster appeared from behind the bushes.

"Peeta what are you doing here?" I yelled. "I told you that I didn't want you to come!"

"Yes I know but I had to." He answered earnestly.

"You_ had _to? What do you mean?" I asked, not trying to mask my anger.

"I don't know how to explain it. I just needed to see you out _here_," he said pointing to the environment that surrounded us.

"Peeta go home. Please." I had had just about enough of Peeta for one day. How was I ever going to remain strong if he kept following me around like this? I crossed my arms and burrowed my brow to show him that I meant business. He laughed.

"No." He crossed his arms and mocked me which did nothing but anger me even more. Am I some sort of joke to him? Does he think this is just a game?

"Fine! I'll leave!" I snapped. I brushed right past him. Doesn't he understand that it's better for us to be apart? I'm trying to protect him! It was my fault that he had to go back to the capitol in the first place. Had I not asked him to profess his love for me the moment he returned to district 12 he wouldn't have had the relapse that sent him back. My one moment of weakness ruined things for both of us. I had to be put up a strong front in order for Peeta and me to maintain any semblance of normalcy. I wouldn't allow those blue eyes to penetrate my emotional wall.

I could hear Peeta struggling to catch up with me as I briskly made my way out of the forest. Branches slapped his face and twigs cut his legs but he never stopped. I turned around to see him just yards behind, eyes focused on me the entire time.

"What do you want from me?" I yelled. I stood there a minute and waited for him to catch up. He was a little winded when he finally arrived. He rubbed his prosthetic leg and exhaled. I swallowed a huge chunk of guilt as I waited for him to reply.

"I don't know what I want," he breathed.

"Peeta things are different now! I'm trying to protect you from getting hurt again. Please don't make this difficult for me," I said taking a step back.

"You are just like everybody else Katniss; treating me like I'm just some simple child who can't fend for himself. I don't need _you're_ protection," He said taking a step forward.

I remembered the way I felt when Greasy Sae and Haymitch kept me out of the loop concerning Peeta's return. _It was for my protection_, they said. I was tired of being treated like a child and now I'm treating Peeta the same way. He deserved better than that. Silence hung in the air for some time before either one of us spoke. Finally Peeta made a suggestion.

"Maybe we should start over," he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean what If we start from the very beginning, from before the games." He suddenly stuck out his hand. "Hi. I'm Peeta Mellark."

I stared at his hand for a moment in disbelief. He couldn't be serious…could he? Finally I shook his hand and introduced myself. If this is what he wanted I guess it wouldn't hurt to go along with it.

"Katniss Everdeen." I said.

"Well Katniss, I'd really like to get know you a little better. Would that be okay?" He flashed me his most charming smile and that's when I recognized him; not the boy who protected me during the games but the man with the bread many years ago. I wanted to get to know _him._

"Yes," I answered gingerly.

"Alright then. How about dinner tonight at my place?" he asked.

I was a little unsure because my wall was still up and my heart was still a little guarded but this start was better than the nothingness that seemed to coexist between the two of us since he returned.

"Okay Peeta," I smiled. We stood there a few minutes longer unsure of what to do with ourselves.

"We should probably head home. I don't want Greasy Sae to worry," I said.

"Who's she?" A smile played on his lips.

"Oh. She is my caretaker," I answered playing along.

"She must have a lot of patience!" he joked.

I laughed. "You have no idea."

We slowly made our way back to the Victor's Village.

"So see you tonight then?" he asked one more time for reassurance.

"Tonight," I said as I backed away towards my house.

I couldn't quite say for sure just yet but something changed back there in that forest. No, my wall hadn't completely tumbled down and there was a part of me that was still very leery of this new leaf Peeta and I decided to turn over but there was a shift in the direction of the wind. The breeze that blew this time was more gentle than before.

I reached my doorstep and found a white envelope poking out of the frame. It was a letter. I thought that it was very strange that anyone from around here would write me a letter and stick in my door but I opened it anyway because I was more than curious about its contents.

You call that a truce?

-H

Haymitch? Had he been spying on the two of us this whole time?


	11. Chapter 11

"What is _this_ about?" I asked barging into Haymitch's home waving the mysterious note around in the air. "Are you so miserable that you need to _spy_ on Peeta and me in order to get your kicks?"

"I don't know what you're talking about sweetheart," Haymitch smugly replied.

"The hell you don't! I'm warning youHaymitch. Stay out of this."

"Or what Katniss?" Haymitch asked as a smile tugged on the corners of his lips.

"Or I'll, I'll-,"

"That's what I thought." Haymitch said as he walked towards me. "Take a seat kid."

"Kid? Wait a minute! I'll have you know I'm-,"

"Sit down Katniss!" Haymitch shouted. Apparently I was starting to annoy him. I pulled out a chair from his kitchen table and took a seat. His table was covered in empty liquor bottles and soiled dishes. It took everything in me _not _to gag.

Haymitch belched before speaking. "Listen; as much as you hate to admit it you need me."

I started to protest but Haymitch held up one hand.

"Think back to your games. You and I had something that Peeta and I didn't; a form of communication that needed no explanation. Now I see that you and the boy are trying to work on some sort of _friendship_ butyou're going about it the wrong way."

"He invited me over for dinner. I don't see the harm in that." I snapped.

"Of course you don't! Did you not learn a thing from what happened when he returned the first time? You didn't listen to me and he ended up on the first hovercraft out of here with your pretty little boyfriend! Is that what you want?"

"Gale is not my boyfriend!" I shouted before continuing. "You know that's not what I want!"

"Then don't show up to that dinner tonight. You both need more time."

"It's like you're trying to keep us apart or something!"

"No. I'm trying to keep you _both_ safe." Haymitch calmly explained.

"Well the games are over and we no longer need your help in that department." Even though I was angry I instantly regretted my harsh words. Haymitch probably feels like we belong to him in some of sort twisted way. We've been the closest thing to family he has had in a long time and I've constantly pushed him away. The look on his face told me that I had gone too far.

"Haymitch I'm sorr-," I started.

"Out. Get out." Haymitch growled.

I stood up and slowly walked towards the front door. Guilt seemed to have a hold on my ankles and I couldn't walk any faster if I tried. Something was still nagging at me and before I left his house I needed to know the answer.

"Just one more thing Haymitch," I softly questioned.

Haymitch remained silent as he rummaged through the empty bottles on his kitchen table, looking for even a drop of liquor to calm him down.

"How _did_ you know what Peeta and I were up to in the forest this afternoon?

He looked up at me for a second and then briskly began to walk towards me. The crazed look in his eyes frightened me a little and I picked up my pace and made it outside before he caught up to me.

"_Miserable_ people do strange things sweetheart," Haymitch snapped before slamming the door in my face. I felt lower than I've ever felt in a very long time as I tracked across the street to my place.

Once inside I knew I needed to calm down. I threw myself onto my bed, grabbed a pillow screamed into it. It actually felt really good and for a split second I was almost convinced that it actually helped.

I rolled over on to my back and replayed the argument with Haymitch over and over again in my mind. He was convinced that I should skip dinner with Peeta tonight and maybe he was right. I flashbacked to the day my stove caught fire and how Peeta left me there to battle the flames alone. I sighed still undecided. The last thing I wanted was a repeat of what happened before. I don't want to be the reason Peeta goes _rouge_ again_._ I can't allow myself to be the reason things fall apart.

I don't remember when it happened but I somehow managed to drift off to sleep amidst an ocean of confusion. Night had fallen and the clock on my nightstand indicated that it was way too late for me to join Peeta. I slapped my forehead with my palm and cursed myself for falling asleep before at least explaining to him why I decided against joining him for dinner. He probably thinks the worst. I crept downstairs as if he could somehow hear me coming. I slowly walked across the street trying to come up with the right words to explain my absence. I wasn't quite ready but I took a deep breath before knocking on his front door.

No answer.

I knocked several more times and he never surfaced. I guess he must be pretty upset with me and I can't say I blame him. I headed back home feeling like a major disappointment. The only two people in the world who I cared enough to speak to are both upset with me. I've already hurt Haymitch's feelings and now I've upset Peeta. It really feels like no matter what I do someone ends up getting hurt. I decide that it's best if I go back to bed. Maybe the world will somehow form a barrier between me and the people who surround me.

Hours later and I'm tossing and turning in bed, unable to fall asleep again. My heart was way too heavy and my brain was way too clouded. I checked the clock; _1:48am. _Before I could attempt to rejoin sleep in battle the screams showed up again, loud and hard. _ Peeta. _This time I would not leave him to fight off the nightmares alone. The least I could do was show up and if he didn't want me there I'd leave without question.

I run across the street to house, just in time for another wave of screams. He sounded like he was in pure terror. I frantically knocked on the door.

"Peeta! Peeta! Open up!" I shouted. It dawned on me that a sleeping Peeta was not about to come downstairs and let me in. I turned the doorknob, relieved to find it unlocked. I bolt upstairs to his room and find him thrashing around in his sheets. I climb into bed with him and begin to calmly and sweetly whisper soothing words in his ear. After about five minutes he relaxes and opens his eyes, startled to find me staring back.

"Katniss? What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I heard you yelling from across the street so I thought..." I let my voice trail off.

"I know what you were trying to do," He whispered. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it," I replied.

I was climbing out of his bed when he grabbed my hand and pulled me back in.

"Do you think you could stay with me until I fall asleep?" He asked with the same innocence of a four-year-old child begging to climb into bed with his parents.

"Okay Peeta, I'll stay." And with that we assumed the position that we grew so used to on the train. I felt his breathing grow a little steadier as he held my body in his arms. We hadn't done this in so long that it felt really strange to me, though not strange enough that I wanted him to let go.

"Katniss what happened to you tonight? We were supposed to have dinner remember?" He finally mustered up the courage to ask.

"I'm sorry Peeta. I fell asleep." Though that was not entirely the reason I missed dinner with him, I didn't have the heart to tell him I never planned on showing up.

"Oh. Was that all?" he questioned.

"Uh huh," I lied.

"I see Haymitch got to you too." I could feel him smiling in the dark.

I sat upright. "How'd you know?"

"Well earlier he tried to convince me to call off our dinner. He said that we weren't ready to be alone together just yet but I told him he was wrong and that he should just stay out of our way from now on."

"Peeta you didn't!" I said thinking of how just hours before I too had written him out of our lives.

"Yea, but I immediately apologized. He is just trying to look out for us you know. Just like when we were in the games. I think looking after us is the one thing that gets him out of bed every morning Katniss. Think about it. What else has he got to live for?"

I felt even guiltier than I had before. Peeta was absolutely right and I owed Haymitch a huge apology. I made a mental note to apologize to him first thing in the morning.

"Your right," I whispered. "Sshh. Try and get some sleep now."

Peeta closed his eyes and eventually fell asleep. I didn't get much sleep that night though my body felt more rested than it had in a long time right there in Peeta' arms.


	12. Chapter 12

The morning sunlight beams into Peeta's bedroom and makes its way into the bed that Peeta and I have been sharing since the wee hours of the morning. The light slowly tickles my eyelids and I fight back by trying to blink it away.

I fail.

I wake up and find myself still wrapped in Peeta's arms and my first thought is_, I shouldn't be here._ I try to maneuver out of Peeta's arms without waking him but I clumsily stumble out of bed and land with a hard thud instantly arousing him from his slumber.

"You alright down there?" Peeta asks peering over the edge of his bed.

"Ye-yeah," I stammer. "I was too close to the edge when I rolled over I guess. I'm fine," I lied.

"Right," Peeta turned and rolled back over on to his back. "You've never been any good at lying Katniss."

I stood up, a little annoyed with Peeta for being able to see through me so easily. How is that after months of being apart he is still able to read me like an open book? Have I really become so transparent?

I sighed. "I should be going now."

Peeta propped himself up on one elbow. "So soon?" he asked.

I mulled it over for a minute and decided. "Yeah. There is something I need to do."

"Oh." he simply said.

I stood there awkwardly a little longer waiting for him to say more. When he didn't I turned and stalked towards the door.

"Katniss?" Peeta called to me as I was leaving.

"Yes?"

"Thank you. You know... For coming over when you heard me."

"Oh. Don't mention it. You would do the same for me." I said. And with that I made my exit.

I couldn't stand being in Peeta's home a second longer. Even though I came to comfort him when I heard the screams, I did it because I felt I owed it to him and not for any other reason. I've decided that any romantic feelings I have for Peeta should be dismissed. We need to focus on finding normalcy among the wreckage we now call our lives. Anything other than friendly hellos or a polite good-bye should be considered a distraction.

I was still convincing myself when I slid into the shower.

Peeta.

I vigorously shook the boy with the bread from my mind and replaced him with the image of a certain drunken man.

Haymitch.

I vowed that I'd apologize to him today for the hostile way I lashed out on him. He's the closest thing I've had to a father since I lost my own. I wouldn't call him the best role model but he stayed sober long enough to keep an eye on me and he stayed alert enough to offer sound advice even when I didn't want to hear it. Peeta made it clear to me that we were all he had. If we left him alone who knows what would happen. He might end up drinking himself to death. No amount of anger warranted the harshness of my tongue.

After I was done toweling off and getting dressed I decided it was time for me to pay a visit to Haymitch. It suddenly dawned on me that he may not accept my apology. I may have pushed him away for good. The thought was enough for me to consider turning back and going home but found the strength to somehow lift my arm and proceed to knock.

Surprisingly he answered almost immediately.

"Hello sweetheart," Haymitch sarcastically sneered.

I took a huge gulp of air in before I started in on my apology. "Listen, about yesterday. I was out of line."

"Damn right you were."

"I'm sorry." I stated. There, I did it.

"Well, well, well. Guess Peeta's little _caring act_ is starting to rub off on you."

"I'm trying to be nice. Don't make this difficult."

Haymitch laughed and with a wave of his arm, he invited me in.

I took a seat on the couch and waited for him to join me. He was busy in the kitchen doing God knows what. When he finally surfaced he was carrying a flask in one hand and a half eaten sandwich in the other.

"Want some?" he asked shoving the sandwich in my face.

"No thank you," I said pushing it away.

"Um look. You may not have been the only one of us who was out of line yesterday," He said brushing crumbs from his collar.

I shifted awkwardly in place and waited for him to say more.

"Telling you not to have dinner with Peeta may have been a bit extreme. I was just worried about you I suppose," he said followed by a swig from his flask. I could tell this conversation was taking every bit of effort on his part.

"Guess so." I replied. "Is it always this hard?" I asked him.

"Is _what_ always this hard Katniss?"

"Keeping yourself from caring about someone in a way that you know you shouldn't."

"Now how would I know the answer to a thing like that?" He answered slightly agitated.

"Because of the way you love Peeta and I. You don't really want to, but you can't help it."

Haymitch scoffed, and then laughed. He took another sip and picked up his sandwich. Standing to his feet he pointed towards the door.

"Let yourself out anytime dear. I think I'll finish lunch outback."

I sighed. "See you later."

As he walked away I barely heard him mumble "Yeah. It's always this hard."

I walked inside of my home to the smell of freshly baked buns and scrambled eggs. I expected Greasy Sae to be the one standing over the stove but instead I met the blue eyes of the blonde haired baker.

"Peeta. I really wish you wouldn't invite yourself into my home, especially when I'm not here."

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to surprise you with breakfast as a way of saying thanks," he replied more embarrassed than I'd ever seen him. "I'll go now."

"Wait," I said grabbing his shoulder. "You might as well stay and eat too."

"If you insist," Peeta smiled.

We ate in silence for a while and Peeta finally spoke.

"I remember a lot more than you think I do Katniss."

"Yeah?" I asked a little confused by his sudden outburst.

"Yes. Mostly things from our first games." He said.

"Oh." I didn't want to push him to continue.

"We kissed a lot." He said with a smirk.

I nearly choked on my eggs.

"It's okay Katniss," he laughed. "I know that it was for the cameras but I wanted you to know that I remember."

I didn't really know what to say. I wanted to protest that it wasn't _all_ for the cameras but I couldn't do that without crossing the imaginary border I built between us. Instead I spooned another fork full of eggs into my mouth without a another word.


	13. Chapter 13

After finishing breakfast in complete silence Peeta finally took the hint and went home. He'd just revealed to me that his memory was playing fewer tricks on him and things that he would normally have a hard time deciding between real or not real were in fact real.

Of all things why did he have to remember the two of us kissing? My face flushed red with embarrassment at the mere thought of our lips touching and for him to bring it up out of the blue? What goes through his mind when he does things like this? He must realize how awkward things will be now and just when I thought we were pretty well adjusted to our new routine. And even if he does remember the many times we kissed, so what! He doesn't expect me to just pounce on him every time he comes over. Or does he?

My mind is going a mile a minute because of the confusion that's swirling around in my head. I'm scrubbing the dishes from morning's breakfast a bit too ferociously when a familiar hand taps my shoulder. I turn around and I'm staring directly into the eyes of the one causing me so much stress at this very moment.

"Need some help with those?" Peeta asks nodding his head in the direction of the piled up dishes.

"No I don't Peeta. Didn't I ask you to stop inviting yourself into my home?" I snap at him.

The way I use the words _my home_ have an effect on Peeta almost instantly. I can't tell if I have hurt his feelings or if I've angered him. I don't even have time to apologize for my crassness before he's gone. Once again I'm left alone feeling like the biggest jerk of all times. Get it together Katniss, I say to myself. I finish washing the last of the dishes and then I drag myself up the stairs. A part of me wants to go over to Peeta's house and get the apology over with but an even larger part of me wants to collapse into bed and never wake up again. No. I decide against sleeping my life away and decide the better decision is to go to Peeta.

I knock on his door several times but he doesn't answer.

I'm kicking myself for being so rude to him earlier. He didn't deserve my attitude. It's not his fault that my feelings for him are piling up into one big ball of confusion, desperation, longing, and insatiable passion. I don't know what to do. I somehow manage to kick myself all the way over to Haymitch's place. I knock on the door once but given my track record of being ignored, I decide to be a hypocrite and simply let myself in. Of course the door is unlocked, it always is. I'm just about to call out Haymitch's name when I hear two voices coming from the living room. I keep my distance and listen in.

"It's like she wants me to go back to the capitol or something!" Peeta shouts.

"It ain't like that boy. The girl is just a little confused. She'll come around," Haymitch said.

"Yeah but after how long? I've been here for a while now. I'm doing my part in all this. Dr. Aurelis told me that if I ever want to be with Katniss I'd have to show her that I have changed. How can I show her when she keeps pushing me away?"

My heart stopped beating as I tried to remain as still and as quiet as possible. Peeta wants to be with me? I _have_ been pushing him away but that was because I thought it was best for the two of us if we just remained friends. A relationship would bring on too much extra stress. I'm not sure if I can handle anymore extra stress. I just might break for good.

"Peeta listen to me. You just keep doing what you've been doing. Keep your distance when she asks you to and show up when she needs you to."

"How am I supposed to know when she needs me?" Peeta asked.

Haymitch laughed. "You haven't learned by now? She always needs you."

At that, they both fall into laughter and the sound of Peeta's genuine happiness makes my eyes well up with tears. I haven't heard him laugh like this since….well, ever. I truly missed Peeta and even though he's sitting in the living room just a few feet away, the desire I feel to be with him is so strong I let an audible sigh escape from my lips. Oh no.

"What was that?" I hear Peeta ask Haymitch.

Haymitch doesn't respond but I hear the couch squeak as he gets up to search his home for the intruder. I quickly and quietly make my way towards the front door. Just as my hand reaches the knob a throat clears from behind me and I have no choice except to turn around. I'm startled when my captor isn't at all who I'd expected.

"Going somewhere?" Peeta asks.

I swallow hard before replying, "It isn't what it looks like."

Haymitch approaches the two of us and just about falls into pieces. His laughter is infuriating me even more.

"Haymitch knock it off! I said it isn't what it looks like!" I shout.

"Oh? So you weren't eavesdropping on our conversation and trying to sneak out of here without being caught?"

Now Peeta is trying to suppress his laughter. "Katniss it's okay," he says.

"It certainly is not!" Haymitch snaps. "Didn't I ask you to stop inviting yourself into my home?" Haymitch's question is dripping with sarcasm and guilt. He knows that I get the point.

"Guess I'll be going then." I say as I slam the door in the middle of Peeta's protest for me not to leave. I feel humiliated. I can't stop the tears from falling as I trudge across the lawn and back to my home. What an idiot I must have appeared to be in front of Peeta. I could care less about what Haymitch thinks but Peeta must think I'm some sort of desperate lunatic. Didn't he say that he's been trying all this time to win me back? I mean I know that conversation was not intended for me to hear but it must be true! I'm still crying as I'm walking the dusty road home. A sweet voice calling out my name breaks my stride and distracts my thoughts.

"Katniss wait up!" Peeta calls to me.

I stop with my back turned to him and quickly brush the tears away before he sees them. I didn't want him feeling sorry for me. He finally catches up to me and is a little winded. I feel guilty about not meeting him halfway seeing as he really only has one leg. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

"Haymitch was just pulling you're leg back there Katniss," Peeta starts.

I wrap my arms around myself and squeeze myself tightly. "I know."

"What _were_ you doing Katniss?"

"Well I-I.." I stammer.

"It's okay Katniss," Peeta says as he rubs my shoulder.

"I went over to your house to apologize for being so snotty with you earlier this morning. When you didn't answer I figured you were really upset with me. I was feeling really down about the whole thing so I went over to Haymitch's."

"And that's when you heard the two of us?" Peeta questioned.

"Yes. I know I shouldn't eavesdrop but I couldn't seem to leave."

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough."

"Oh."

"Oh? So that's it? We aren't going to talk about it?" I ask.

"Only if you want to," Peeta answers with a squeeze to my shoulder. I wish he would stop touching me. He has no idea of the affect he can have. I'm not sure if I even want to talk about what I just heard. Peeta wants to be with me and all this time he's been trying to show me that he has changed but I'm still unsure if this is what I want. Peeta deserves someone who is ten times the person I am but that doesn't change the way I feel about him. Maybe now is the time to start being honest with Peeta and with myself. The truth is I _want_ Peeta. I _need_ Peeta.

"Yeah Peeta, I think we should talk about it."


	14. Chapter 14

_**EEEK! This is the last chapter of what has been such a fun story to write! I really hope you all have enjoyed this journey with me. This was my first attempt at writing a fanfic and although it may not have been one of the best published to this site it sure was a wonderful process. I sincerely thank you all for the reviews, favs, alerts, etc. I do have another story in the making and hopefully it is even better than this one. Again thank you sooooo much!**_

So here we are sitting across from one another at my kitchen table. This table seems to be where most every conversation I do not want to have has taken place. I heard every word of Peeta and Haymitch's conversation. Peeta wants to be with me and I have finally resolved within myself that I want to be with him. Peeta speaks first.

"Katniss," he starts tentatively. "I'm sorry."

My mouth drops open slightly startled by his apology. This was not how I expected the conversation to begin. I do not understand.

"Why are you apologizing?" I ask.

"I feel like I have somewhat backed you into a corner. I know that you don't feel the same way for me as I feel for you." He hangs his head low and buries his fists into his eyes with his next words.

"Katniss I know that you don't trust me. I have come a long way since the hijacking but I don't expect you to look at me the same. You probably never will. Hell, neither will I." His voice seems far away and his eyes seem to follow. After a few moments of silence I realize it's my turn to speak.

"Peeta it's not that I don't trust you," I sigh. "I don't trust myself."

"What do you mean?"

I purse my lips and begin tapping the table with the tips of my finger nails. Communicating so openly and so freely is not one of my strong points.

"The first time you came back I basically threw myself at you. You weren't here for a good five minutes before I was asking you to declare your love for me! I felt like it was my fault that you went back to the capitol. I decided after you left that any romance between us should quickly be dismissed and nothing outside of the realm of friendship should exist between us." My next words are a lie.

"I still feel this way Peeta."

He stares at me a moment and then his bottom lip begins to tremble. He covers his mouth with one hand and then slides it down to his chin.

"I understand Katniss but I just thought that—," I cut him off.

"No. The best thing for both us right now is to remain the way we are, the way we've _always _been…friends." My stomach is aching and my heart is beating out of my chest. Why can't I just tell him the damn truth! I love him, I really do but love changes people. Love changes _everything. _The last thing I want to do is hurt Peeta but I can't bring myself to tell him the truth about my feelings. Things between us must remain the same. They just have to.

Peeta slowly stands up and removes himself from the table. His head is still hanging low as he turns his back to me, prepared to walk away. His voice quivers a bit as he speaks. "If that's what you really want then so be it. I'll never bring this up again. I promise." And with that Peeta makes his exit.

I lay my head down on the table and begin to cry furious tears. What have I done? Peeta made himself so vulnerable to me and I have now hurt him in the worst way possible. If he doesn't bring the topic up again I'll never have a chance to redeem myself. I'm aware that I'm too much of a coward to approach him with this delicate subject and now I'm faced to except the fact that I have just finalized a decision that I know is based on a lie.

I try my hardest to pull myself together. I stand up and slowly make my way to bed. Its midafternoon and the sun is at its peak but that doesn't stop me from drawing all the blinds closed and stripping down into nothing except my bra and panties. Suddenly clothes feel too heavy and my body feels overheated. I lie down and begin silently sobbing into my pillow again.

Before I drift off into a peace less sleep, all of the faces of those I love and are now dead reappear. My precious Prim is first. How I long for my little duck. Then Rue is there hiding in a tree right above my head, smiling as she stares down at me. Finnick winks at me before diving back into an ocean that's so blue it's hard to tell where the sky ends at it begins. And then the rest of those I love and have lost show up as I drift away. My body trembles and I pull a sheet over my legs. Sleep grabs me like a thief in the night and I am now held hostage to the nightmares. I wish Peeta were here.

When I awake my room is pitch black. Apparently night has fallen. I've managed to sleep through the entire afternoon. As my senses begin to adjust I can smell what I think may be rabbit stew cooking on the stove. My stomach growls and I force myself out of bed. I pull on a pair of ill-fitted pajama pants and a shirt that hangs freely from my body. I must have loosened my braid with all the thrashing I've done in my sleep. My hair hangs just past my shoulders and I don't bother to braid it again.

I stomp downstairs expecting to see a plump Greasy Sae standing over the stove. I'm prepared to send her away, seeing as how I'm in no mood for company when instead I'm greeted by a pair of warm, blue eyes. My heart stops and my breath catches in the center of my chest. He actually came back.

"Greasy wasn't feeling well tonight. I told her to get some rest and I'd see to it that you had dinner. I'm sorry if I woke you." Peeta says.

"Oh. It's fine," I say drearily. I all but collapse at the kitchen table. He places a bowl of stew in front of me and brushes his hands off.

"Guess I should be going now," he says quietly.

He's making his way towards the front door and I can't digest the thought of him leaving again. I don't have an explanation prepared for my actions earlier but what I do know is that I'm not ready for him to leave yet.

"Peeta wait!" I shout a little too loudly.

"Yeah Katniss?"

"Please stay?" I beg him.

He smiles at me the way only he can and my skin tingles all over. "Whatever you want Katniss," he says with such sincerity in his voice that I almost loose it.

He walks back over to the stove and fixes himself a nice helping of the stew. I'm still at a loss for words when he sits down. I release the breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"You okay?" he asks.

"No." I didn't expect such honesty to escape from my lips but the truth seemed to know the answer before I did so it spoke up on my behalf.

Peeta looks worried by my response. I haven't looked up from the bowl sitting in front of me and I honestly don't know if I can. His eyes will be the end of me.

"What's wrong? Is it me? Katniss I can leave if you'd like. You don't have to-,"

"It's not that Peeta." I sigh. "I _want _you here. Please just stop talking and eat."

He looks like a wounded puppy but he does what I ask. I don't mean to be so harsh but my brain is still trying figure out the words to take back what I said earlier. By the time we have booth finished I still have come up with nothing. Peeta stands and stretches. His body is not the same body of the boy I went into the arena with. Peeta has definitely become a man in what feels like overnight. He takes notice of me staring and I blush. Thankfully he pretends not to notice.

"Thanks for letting me stay for dinner."

"You're welcome Peeta," I whisper.

He turns and heads for the door and I am suddenly on my feet. "Peeta please don't go!" I shout. What is it with me? I can't seem to regulate the volume of my voice whenever he turns to leave. Maybe it's because I'm so desperate to have him stay. I can't bear the idea of him leaving again without him knowing the truth about my feelings. I can tell he is shocked by my desperate cry for him to stay.

He walks over to me and I grab one of his hands and lead him upstairs. Wordlessly I climb into bed and turn my back away from him, facing the window. I feel the bed dip when the pressure of his warm being slides into place right behind me. He holds me in his big, strong arms. I let out a sigh along with the words that have been dancing on my tongue since this afternoon.

"I'm sorry," I start.

I feel him lift his head from his pillow. "Sorry for what Katniss?"

"Earlier today. I lied to you."

He goes quiet and allows me to continue.

"The truth is…" my voice trails off and once again I'm at a loss for words.

"The truth is what Katniss?"

I can hear the desperate need to hear what the truth really is in his voice. This is enough to propel me to keep going. Peeta deserves nothing but the truth from me. I owe him that much.

I turn and face him before continuing. "I'm not okay with just being your friend," I whisper.

"You aren't?" he whispers back.

I don't know why we're whispering. Perhaps it's from living our lives in front of the camera for so long. I want this moment to belong solely to us but just in case an invisible camera has crept its way into my bedroom, we whisper so that only the two of us can hear.

"No," I reply. "I need you."

"You do?" he whispers, inching just a little closer.

"Yes. And I-I,"

He kisses my forehead and I close my eyes. "You what Katniss?" he whispers.

The way he whispers my name makes something in the pit of my stomach suddenly very warm. I feel a hunger unlike anything I've ever felt before. It pushes me even further into the truth.

"I _want _you Peeta," I whisper into his ear.

Peeta tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear and gently kisses my chin. My eyes are still closed when he asks, "You love me? Real or not real?"

"Real Peeta. So real." And with that all of my walls are down and I have become a whole new creature. Our lips touch and he kisses me deeply and I return his kiss with the same passionate fervor. He brings his hand into the small of my back and pulls me in even closer to him.

Now I know what it feels like. Mocking jay, they called me. But in all this time I've been nothing but the shell of that beautiful bird. With Peeta by my side I can feel myself opening up again. Wings that have been tucked in at my sides for so long begin to open up an extend fully into this new world. As I look down from where I'm flying above Peeta and myself, I smile. I'm finally able to fly and nothing will ever be able stop me from _taking flight._


End file.
